The Top 5 Burger Places

By: PoisonRamune, the Apathetic Lizardman

The hamburger is the epitome of American fast food. Though originating in the 1880’s, the hamburger almost never was due to changing social climates. America’s new found love for the burger almost completely died out in the early 1900’s due to the release of Upton Sinclair’s novel The Jungle and America’s anti-German leaning during the World War era. It was only because of White Castle’s founder Billy Ingrams fast food distribution model that burgers became America’s new favorite food in the 1920’s (and beyond).

With the burger being so popular in our current food culture, I decided to make a top 5 list of the greatest burger places in the US. While it’s easy to right about a fine restaurant that charges up to $10 for their burger special, I chose to keep the burger places that are considered fast food joints only (my definition of fast food joint is an establishment that gives your burger in an oily bag or cardboard box lid), so no Fuddrucker’s or Burger Continental. I also, didn’t want to include any burger place that had the words: king, Mc, Jack, what and jr in the name (this includes Hardee’s, since they’re basically the east coast equivalent of Carl’s Jr).


"I feel like I'm cheating, since the inside is a sit down resaurant. But outside they have a drive thru."

5) Farmer Boys: Even though I haven’t been to Farmer Boys in over a year, I doubt they’ve totally revamped their: menu, recipes, and business model. I mean, that would be like Nintendo all of a sudden catering to soccer moms and the elderly (oops, bad example). Farmer Boys is a Southern California chain (in fact, all of these places pretty much are) “fastaurant” in that they have a drive thru section, but they also give you forks and put your food on a plastic plate if you dine in. While they constantly claim they win the “best burger in the west award” or receive numerous accolades for their fried side orders, I’ve never had any of that stuff. The reason why they made this list is because they make an amazing veggie burger, which was actually helping me through my brief 6 month attempt of being a vegetarian.

"No picture available... I don't feel like driving down Atlantic and trying to get through the parking lot just to take one for you."

4) Pharos Burgers: Unless you live in Monterey Park, Alhambra, Pasadena or the surrounding areas; you’d have probably never heard of this place. I lucked out, as my office is about 5 miles away from Pharos. Located in the hardest parking lot to get in and out of (I’m dead serious, this parking lot is even too small to do a full “donut” with your car), Pharos is a typical greasy spoon styled establishment with exceptional food. Their burgers are superb and get even better with the addition of their chili. One tip in eating here is to come with someone along if you want to eat in. They normally get ridiculously busy during typical meal times, so it pays to have someone scout out seats while you order (or vice-versa). The prices are very fair, which makes you feel a little better during these tough economic times. Finally, if you go on a Thursday during the normal lunch time, there’s often a really cute girl working the registers that reminds me of Mila Kunis giving you even more incentive to go.


"If it's not from the shack, take it back!"

3) Tommy’s: I have so many memories of this restaurant that I may be a little biased in my feeling towards it. Actually, every Tommy’s memory I have has something to do with me being really drunk. Like the time Josh and I went to Tommy’s at 2 in the morning and I realized I wasn’t wearing any shoe. Or that time I tried to pick up on the cute Mexican girl that worked there on my way home from Dan’s wedding. Those were all great times. Tommy’s deserves to be on this list because their chili mix is far superior to Pharos and they’re always having some sort of special (like those $2 regular chili burgers, which Ron and I got 6 of last Friday). The chili is also the perfect hangover cure as it’s greasy and flavorful, but doesn’t tear your stomach up after you eat it (only your anus. This isn’t a big deal for me, since I’m used to getting my cornhole torn up… Wait, that’s not what I meant). Another great thing about Tommy’s is that most of them are open past “last call” (2 am in California) and some of them are open 24 hours. Buyers beware if you’re new to the Tommy’s scene (yes, I know of one person on staff here who has never been to Tommy’s) know that there are a lot of Tommy’s knock offs. Stay away from Tommy’s #1, Tommies, Tomy’s, and others. They are all bad and only try to cash in on the familiarity of the original Tommy’s.


"They're the ones that make the most no frills burger on this list."

2) In n Out: In n Out is kind of weird to me. Every time I eat there I feel like Marty McFly from Back to the Future (except I’m not making out with my mom, yet). The architecture, theme and décor of an In n Out restaurant is of a 1950’s style. Their old school style even carries over to their food, in that all their ingredients are fresh and most of the products are prepared in house (ie: they cut their own fries and make their own buns on location). There are no fancy tricks to these burgers, as it’s just a bun, pickle, tomato, onions, meat, cheese and thousand island sauce. The quality really comes from them using great ingredients. Though the menu is very simple only consisting 3 different burgers, fries and drinks; there are “secret items” that only loyal fans who have learned from word of mouth (or net) know. My favorite secret item is “animal style” fries, which consists of their fry boat doused in cheese, grilled onions and the spread of sides that come in your burger. Another great thing about In n Out is their love for and of Christ. If you look at all their paper cups, wrappers and trays you’ll find Bible verses printed on the corners of them. Even if you’re not down with Christianity, their Christian based ownership can still help you out. Not that I condone stealing, but if you ever need a free meal; you can essentially order up in the drive thru and tell the person at the window that you forgot your wallet and promise to return with the money for the meal. They’ll pretty much let you drive off with the food every time.


"If I wanna squirt her, take her to Fatburger..."

1) Fatburger: It’s funny, I don’t think I’ve ever seen or heard a single Fatburger ad on the TV or radio. But I can name at least 4 songs that mention it (and they were all pretty popular when they came out) and hearing the Notorious B.I.G. and Ice Cube rap about it was endorsement enough. Fatburger is amazing, it’s a true classic burger joint. Not only can you choose to get have your burger fried instead of grilled, but you can also get an egg and some chili on top (just in case you don’t think you’re dying fast enough). It’s delicious and totally bad for you, it’s everything you ever wanted in a burger stand. I also love their cooking methods, as I have actually learned how to properly cook a burger by studying the actions of the little Mexican guy working the grill numerous times throughout my adult life. The one thing that tells me Fatburger is going somewhere is all the celebrity support it has. Not only is Fatburger’s parent company owned by Magic Johnson, but many of the franchises around the US are owned by celebrities (I know: Kanye West, Montel Williams and E-40 all have Fatburgers scattered across the US). Much like In n Out Fatburger follows that classic 50’s theme. Most impressive from this 50’s theme is their jukebox. The jukebox is connected to an internet song server and actually plays your requests for free (don’t be fooled into putting money into the machine, it only makes your song play near immediately). The quality and selection of food along with the restaurant’s ambience puts Fatburger in the top spot for best burger place.

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